saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
