i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i've created a new STD.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sex in a hospital.. check
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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