Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
