What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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