a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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