you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
