You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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