Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
