Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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