I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
