so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
