the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
