I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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