Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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