New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
