I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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