TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
