He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
