i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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