she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
