wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
