So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
