This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize