I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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