i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am available for nakedness
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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