I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
