At least make sure they are 18
Why
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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