my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
