she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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