so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
