Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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