the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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