Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
