It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
