have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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