I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
