Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
