I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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