I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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