Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The best revenge is premature balding
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
