Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize