Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
