So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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