I just saw a hot homeless man
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
