We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
