Moan for me like Helen Keller
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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