She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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