I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize