Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
