I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
