Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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