Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
