I looked at my own cervix.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
