why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
