I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
