Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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