It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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