Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
