i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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