Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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