I wannas sexs uuuuu
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
