Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
