what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
