The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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