I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
