Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
