So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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