the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
