his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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