dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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