I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
