you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize