we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
