I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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